Here are some do's and don'ts from experts to help unravel the confusion and ease the angst of creating a guest list!

Consider the mix. Choose guests who will get along and may share interests. Etiquette expert Mary Mitchell's column on the website FamilyEducation.com suggests favoring guests who will appreciate your invitation and make an effort to contribute to the success of the party. That said, writes Mitchell, author of "The Complete Idiot's Guide to Etiquette," if your party will be a gathering of co-workers talking shop, "the general rule is to invite only those who can participate and/or enjoy it."

Reconsider reciprocity. Owing invitations to those who have hosted you is obviously something to consider, but your party doesn't have to be the venue for reciprocation. "If you feel that you must invite people because of a social obligation, then mix them in with a larger group," writes Adam Lowe, a manners expert on QuickandDirtyTips.com. "But if you truly do not wish to engage with an individual or couple on a social level, then it may be more sincere to stop inviting them over."

Paper beats technology. Sending online invitations might be easier and faster, but it can create other sorts of headaches. Guest-list management was much easier before social media caused "social spheres to extend exponentially into infinity," said etiquette expert Lisa Gache, CEO of Beverly Hills Manners in Beverly Hills, Calif. "The safest way to avoid hurt feelings is to go old-school and use paper, rather than electronic invitations that can be forwarded or posted online."

Consider your budget and venue. Don't go into debt trying to make everybody feel included. And be realistic about your space. If your dining room comfortably holds 10, don't try to squeeze in 20 for a dinner party. If your guest wish list is larger than your space, consider hosting a couple of smaller parties, or opt for a more casual open house.

Don't let others bully you. "If your mother-in-law tells you, 'We always invite all the cousins,' tell her it's nice she does that," said Nicole Zangara, a Scottsdale, Ariz.-based psychotherapist. This is especially true for weddings. Do not yield to pressure from your family — or venue — to supersize a guest list, said Danielle Rothweiler, a Verona, N.J.-based event planner.

Beware the snowball effect. "You don't have to invite everyone who came to your bar mitzvah or quinceanera to your wedding," said Rothweiler.

Two lists, some controversy. For large events like weddings, some planners recommend using "A" and "B" lists. Send invitations six to eight weeks ahead to your A list, explained Jodi R.R. Smith, author of "The Etiquette Book: A Complete Guide to Modern Manners" (Sterling). As regrets roll in, send invites to your B list four to six weeks ahead.
But others warn this system can cause resentment when any guests learn of their B-list status. Instead, consider "save-the-date" cards to whittle out-of-towners from your list. "Before they get the invitations, they'll tell you if none of them is coming or if they're making it a big reunion," said Danielle Couick, a Columbia, Md., event planner and spokeswoman for the National Association for Catering and Events.

Give single guests the option of bringing dates if they have romantic partners. Otherwise, Smith said, you are not obligated. "Just be consistent," she added. "If you give one single the 'and guest' option, give it to all singles."
The "and guest" question is easy with a corporate event, Smith said. If it is on a weekend, invite spouses and dates. On a weekday, you need not.

Look who's at the door. He is the oxymoron every host fears: the uninvited guest. To prevent awkwardness, it's best to confront him if you learn ahead of time that your party is on his calendar.
Understand that "electronic invitations have turned the guest list into a riddle," said Gache. And when you explain that he isn't invited, "treat him with kindness and empathy."
"You can always use the 'work' excuse to convince him not to come: 'Oh, you wouldn't want to come to that; it's just work (people),'" added Dirk Wittenborn, Johnson's co-author of "The Social Climber's Bible."
And what if he's at your front door when the party is starting? Welcome him with open arms, said the Lazersons, who have learned to go with the flow. "We've come to the conclusion there are no accidents," Scott Lazerson said. "There's a reason he showed up."

Courtesy:  Chicago Tribune